Feeling Like a Dead Fish?

Our life has been messy lately.

I feel like I expend so much energy instructing my children to obey, teaching them to be kind and cleaning up messes that by the end of the day well....

I'm feeling kind of dead.

I'm studying the Sermon on the Mount in two different Bible Study groups.  Clearly this isn't by chance. The Lord has been quietly trying to get my attention and clearly that works better than shouting.  Note to self.

For the longest time I've wanting to believe that I had to enjoy every second of parenthood.  I scoffed at articles by other Mama's who said they didn't enjoy parenting.  I felt a little sorry for them.  I think I felt like admitting that I wasn't enjoying it meant I was admitting defeat.  I couldn't do it.  I wasn't cut out.

But the thing is that's the truth.  I am not cut out to teach my children to obey.  I can not do this...on my own.  It is absolutely impossible to parent without Christ.  And I think I've been trying way too long and way too hard to do it my way.  To have perfectly behaved children.  To never have to discipline.  To be the envy of all the Mom's out there who don't enjoy every second.

Those are just lies!  Lies lies lies!

Being a Mama has exposed an ugly side of me.  Selfishness.  Self reliance.  Laziness.  Complacency.  The list could go on and on.  And it also exposes the sinfulness of my children.  Sigh.  Already.  Already selfish....already unkind....already in desperate need of the gospel.

I am desperate to show that to them.  Desperate to trudge through those days where I feel like I can't go on.  Desperately leaning on Christ to shine through me since I am way too dull and dirty to shine myself.  Desperately seeking.

Matthew 5 says we should hunger and thirst for righteousness.  My cry is that I will hunger for that for myself.  That my babies will see that hunger in me and they will grow up with that desire.  The desire to KNOW God.  The desire to SERVE Him.  The desire to HUNGER after Him.

If the Lord is quietly speaking to you He might be saying the same thing.  The good news of the gospel is that he came to SEEK and SAVE the lost.  It's easy as a Mama to feel lost.  Lost in the mess.  Lost in the mundane.  Lost in loneliness even.  Jesus came to rescue you.  Seek him.  Hunger and thirst for him.  I can't guarantee you will avoid messes.  You'll probably still have to change dirty diapers and wipe spilled milk.  Or in our case the weekly oatmeal/bisquick/cheerios disaster.  But the Lord has put you where he wants you to be.  He will give you the grace to change and clean and serve joyfully.

Praying for you and for myself.  That we will seek and hunger after Him!!