Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'm Expecting

Surprise! I'm expecting again.  In fact I'm always...forever...expecting.

When you are pregnant you tell people, "I'm expecting".  But really all of us are expecting each and every day.  We have ideas of what life should be like.  How it should turn out.  We expect a driver to turn left if their left turn single is on.  We make decisions based on our expectations.  We come  into relationships with expectations.  We fall short of other's expectations.

Expectations can't be trusted.

The last ten days haven't been what I expected.  They have been filled with newborn cuddles and kisses.  Pain.  Sweet with big brother adoration.  Frustrating with sickness.  A little devastating with milk literally dripping like tears and a baby who won't drink it.

Some things exceeding my expectations.  The rest.  Well....

I read a quote today that said...

Sometimes your plans don't work out because God has better ones.

And as nice as it sounds it's incorrect.  It should read

When your plans don't work out God ALWAYS has better ones.

Our expectations are usually OURS.  But they aren't God's.  We get ideas and plans in our head.  And they are usually great in our own mind.  But they aren't necessarily God's plan.  He never promises that our lives will be perfect...that they will go according to our expectations...that we will always be happy.  But He promises that He has our best interests in His heart.  That He loves us.  That if we are truly in His will He will use us to further His kingdom and to His glory.

And isn't that what it's all about?

It's not really about whether my life goes the way I wanted it to.  It's about where I'm living.

I'm choosing today to live in the center of His will.  To be unquestionably firm in my belief that He loves me.  That He loves my sweet Kelsey Jane.  That He has given me her for a reason and that he has a purpose for both of our lives.  I refuse to think about the fact that I'm terrified that Peter has to go back to work on Monday.  That I'm devastated that she refuses to breastfeed.

My God is greater.

We celebrate His resurrection and His LIFE this Sunday.  My hope is in Him.


I know you are all dying for a birth story and a "how we picked her name" story and a "how is the first week going" story.

They are coming....eventually.  You'll have to manage your expectations...haha.  Just kidding.  Yes they are coming eventually.  This week has been filled with clearly unexpected twists and turns.  Lots of doctors appointments.  Orders to rest.  Frustration.  Many many tears.  Once things settle down I can't wait to share some sweet pictures of our girl and her birthday story.

Thank you especially to everyone who has checked in on us and prayed for us.  It means more than you'll ever know!


Rachel said...

Do you the blog Little Moments Like This. I linked to her post about how she's exclusively pumping because her 2nd daughter won't breastfeed. Doesn't really offer much in the way of advice, but might be worth reading about someone else going through something similar. Love you!

Discovery Street said...

I'm so sorry for all the frustration you're going through mama! I'll add to those prayers lifting you and your sweet daughter up!

Ashley said...

Being a mom is such a hard job so you cry away. Kelsey is just beautiful!

Callie Nicole said...

Congratulations on the birth of your girl! Can't wait to read more!

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