Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I Just Can't Do It...

I almost shot myself in the foot today.

Not literally.  Although with the kind of day it was it wouldn't have surprised me.  It made one of THOSE days seem like a picnic.

I tried to come up with a witty blog post or facebook post about my day.  And I really sat down at my computer to vent and to confess.  I was going to throw all my talk about thankfulness out the window.  But I just couldn't.  Well, the confessing part I can.

I was a horrible mother today.

I lost my temper.  I yelled.  I did the "let my hold your face in my hand while I talk to you" thing that I always hated as a kid.  I did not show grace.  I did not brush my teeth.

And so I wanted to sit down at the computer and complain.  I wanted people to feel bad that I changed my clothes twice.  That the baby wore nothing today because he spit up so much it wasn't worth dressing him.  That the Little Guy hit me multiple times, played in his poop, and potentially ate a small bit of my acne cream.

I wanted to write about the books that were pulled off of the bookshelf.  The tears that were shed and the food that was thrown.  I wanted to complain.

But I just can't.

Because as I sat here and thought about all the things that happened I realized how blessed I am.

Despite his out of control-ness today, the Little Guy was just being 2.  He's a regular toddler and just happened to be, as he put it so eloquently today, "a hot mess."

And the baby.  My sweet baby boy.  He cooed and laughed enough in the last 10 minutes to make up for a day of crying.

My babies are healthy and happy.  I had one more day with them.  And shouldn't that be good enough?

My heart is breaking for friends that have recently lost an infant, another couple that lost their 18 month old and multiple friends that no matter how hard they have tried, just can't get pregnant.  Somehow I think despite the food throwing, wailing and spit-up these girls would have loved every minute of it.  I think if they could they would look wistfully at my messy house with my dirty plastic spoons, trash full of diapers and hand prints on the windows.  They'd tell me to count my blessings, to enjoy every moment and to give those babies an extra hug and kiss.

And I did.  I went in and held the Little Guy before bed and I told him I was so sorry.  I was sorry that I wasn't a good Mama today.  I told him that I loved him.  And he said, "I hold you Mama."

Thankfully tomorrow is a new day.  And regardless of how tough or smell it is, I'm going to be thankful for these moments and and I'm going to let the Little Guy hold me all day long!


Linking with Shell!

9 comments:

Robbie K said...

Such a sweet boy. Tomorrow is another day and it can be a better one.

Shell said...

What a beautiful way to look at it! I try to remember that in those hard moments, though sometimes I just need to vent. ;)

Carole said...

Fantastic post - but we all know kids can put you through hell while still being cute as buttons!

Have a great week!

Christine said...

Beautiful post and perspective. I've been there more times that I would like to admit. I too try to remember this in those moments but it is hard sometimes!! Here's to a new day :-)

bloggingmumof3 said...

couldn't be said any better way

More Than Mommies said...

Perfect perspective. Moms are human too...and not a one of us is perfect. You have half the battle won that you can recognize a bad day for what it is, say sorry, and start again. Such a great lesson for our kids to learn too! Here's to a fresh day! Visiting from PYHO!

Roshni AaMom said...

what a wonderful, sweet post! Love your perspective!

And, it's worth noting that you also can rant sometimes...it helps and we've all been there! And, we all know that at the end of the day, we still love our babies with all our heart!!

Adrienne said...

Love your smile! It's true. We are so blessed to have these babies, even if they do drive us crazy sometimes.

sonya said...

I guess its just the life of being a mama. Some days its hard, but its so nice to read a blog that will talk about those days. Not dwell just talk. And like others said tomorrow is another day!
I am your newest follower!

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