I have to say that living in the unknown is a lonely and painful place. Often I've said that I would chose to know an answer, even if it was the answer I didn't want, over living in the unknown. It's painful, stretching and feels never ending.
If you are new around here you may not know much about some of the unknown we've encountered in the last few years. Our biggest challenge was Peter's diagnosis of Crohn's disease and the seemingly endless time of waiting afterward to see if he would be permitted not only to fly but to even stay in the Air Force.
We've also dealt with an untimely six month "overseas assignment" that occurred 6 weeks after we arrived in Washington. It was a major time of stretching and growth for me in particular since I was pregnant with a 14 month old in a new house, town, state, part of the country, etc!
And because we like to go big or go home we did another bout with the Air Force when Peter came home from Africa and we discovered he had melanoma.
Earlier this year we were blessed with our third child. A beautiful blue eyed, joyous, smiling baby girl. It was THE best day ever. I look back at this photo and just want to hug myself. I had no idea what was ahead. In the grand scheme of life it wasn't the biggest deal. But it was a big deal to me. And those three weeks that I sat in my green chair and faithfully pumped every two to three hours to keep my milk supply up left me feeling tired, discouraged and dealing again with the unknown.
Ultimately the unknown is a beautiful thing. My thoughts on this issue haven't changed and if anything have only grown stronger each time the Lord says to me...
And often he does.
I don't always want to be patient. In fact I rarely want to be patient. But the Lord says...
These words by Charles Spurgeon are so poignant, so life giving. (Sorry if you already read this on my previous post! It was just SO worth re-posting!)
"David.....had been envious of the present prosperity of the ungodly, forgetful of the dreadful end awaiting all such. And are we better than David that we should call ourselves wise! Do you profess that we have attained perfection or to have been so chastened that the rod has taken all our willfulness out of us?.......Look back, believer; think of your doubting God when he has been SO faithful to you--think of your foolish outcry of "Not so, my Father," when he crossed his hands in affliction to give you the larger blessing; think of the many times when you have read his providences in the dark, misinterpreted his dispensations, and groaned out, "All these things are against me" when they are all working together for your good!"
Does it hit you like it hit me? We do not know the mind of God. How often to we say to him that we don't like what he is doing in our lives. We complain of this or that. We are frustrated. We are scared. We think we can not trust him.
But he is working out our lives for our own good.
My prayer is this. That on those days when our lives change forever, whether the change is known or unknown, scary or exciting, painful or joyful, I will PRAISE him and continue to choose JOY!
Choosing JOY again in this season of being NEW.