There is one area of my life however that I can NOT seem to see through the rose colored glasses. I haven't blogged about it before because it's kind of one of those personal issues. But it is a serious issue for me and I need some encouragement. And accountability.
I am totally addicted to food. I love food. And after I did "no sugar September" this past year I realized that I am an emotional eater. At night I would tell Peter that I "needed" something sugary. After a short lecture on need vs want I realized that I just want sugar. I want it all the time. I want to just sit down in front of the tv with a gigantic bowl of 15 different flavours of ice cream and eat until my heart is content. The problem is sugar does not = happiness!! And when I really stop and think about it I know that fitting into my pre-pregnancy/pre-Peter jeans doesn't = happiness either. But it DOES = healthiness.
I want to be healthy for my son. I want to be able to run after him. We all know I am not going to be able to teach him ANYTHING that even remotely resembles a sport but that doesn't mean I can't get out there and get dirty trying!
I've been training for this 1/2 marathon now since the beginning of January. I can't say that I am always consistent but for the most part this former couch potato is running at least 10 miles a week. Here is where my frustration lies.
#1 I have lost about 2 pounds in the last 3 months. If you have struggled with weight loss you KNOW how discouraging that is. Not only am I nursing Stafford but I am exercising and eating well too!! Yes I have noticed a SLIGHT difference in the way my clothes fit. But I am 30 pounds overweight. There should be some difference!
#2 I am officially THE slowest runner on earth. I'm not embarrassed about it, I just hate it that it takes me so darn long to finish a long run. I can't even tell you how many people I've told that I'm running this 1/2 marathon and then they tell me that they run but they are "really slow". I laugh and then they tell me that they run an 11 minute mile. Or a 13 minute mile. Or even a 15 minute mile. And secretly I sort of want to kick them in the shin. Because even after running at least 10 miles a week for the last 12 weeks I am still running a 16 minute mile!!! Add that up and tomorrow when I do my first long run of 7 miles I'll be out there running for 112 minutes. That is almost 2 hours!!!!!! This 1/2 marathon is going to take me 16 days to finish!
I don't want to be an expert runner. I want to be healthy and I want to fit back into my old jeans. Of course by the time they fit again they'll be so out of style I need new ones so I should probably just get rid of them all now. I get so frustrated when my friends are literally leaving the hospital in their pre-pregnancy clothes. I knew that wasn't going to happen to me. Let's be realistic! I had so much water retention I looked like a beached whale. But 7 months later after eating decently well and exercising I wish I had more progress to show.
I'm not going to give up. I'll get up tomorrow morning and get out my new ipod running thingy that will let me listen to 2 wonderful hours of music. I'll put on my new shoes that came in the mail this week since my old ones actually had a hole in them! And while I'm running I will be thankful that I am able to run. That I have a sweet baby. That I have the time to go out and train for this race. That I've already lost over 40 pounds That I have a dear sweet husband cheering me on.
Tomorrow maybe, just maybe, that running glass will be 1/2 full.
These moments keep it all in perspective. So thankful for my little man!!!