If we were having coffee today I'd be a little nervous. Most likely it's the first time we've met. And although we might have admired another from afar I'm still pushing back those thoughts of "what if I wear the wrong thing or talk too much or she never wants to come back." I know they aren't truth but sometimes I just can't help it. It seems like girls never get over that "I hope she likes me" feeling that starts in grade school.
But I'll push back my fears and make sure I brush my hair and my teeth for you. Motherhood somehow has put those things on the back burner somehow. When you come to the door you'll be greeted by both giggling little guys and the four legged one. He's "a bit barky" according to his groomer but he'll settle down.
I'll bust out the Keurig for our date so you have more choices. Coffee is a staple in our house but I drink it decaf and black. Not too appealing to a lot of people. I'll have to scrounge to find sugar and probably offer you milk if you are wanting cream. Hopefully that's ok. Because really for a Mama a coffee date isn't about the coffee, it's about the conversation.
We'll catch up on the easy stuff. What you've been doing since this and what I've been doing since that. Who is pregnant and who is moving. The great deal we got at TJ Maxx. Our desire for a pedicure or massage.
And then we'll get to the hard questions.
I'll tell you a little bit about myself. That I love Jesus but sometimes I don't spend enough time with Him. That I love my husband desperately but sometimes I am short with him. That my boys mean everything to me but sometimes I just need a break. That even though God has provided wonderful friends for us here, I really miss "home".
I'll tell you that lately I feel like I don't do many things very well. That I'm tired all the time. That my house is perpetually ALMOST clean but never clean enough. That I'm so very tired of being overweight but can't seem to breakthrough and lose these last few pounds.
I'll tell you that I feel unqualified to raise my children. That I'm scared they won't see Jesus in me. And that I wish they would stop growing so quickly.
I'll tell you my desire to be "great" at something instead of "good" at a lot of things.
And by now I'll probably have to get you another cup of coffee because I've told you a lot.
And my guess is that after I refilled your cup and got us a snack (most likely banana bread because it's the best in the world!) you'll tell me this...
That you've had feelings like these too. Maybe not the same ones and maybe not at the same time. But you know what it feels like to be tired. You know what it feels like to be nervous and lonely and unorganized. You are a Mama too afterall.
But mostly you'll tell me that I must choose to believe TRUTH over the lies. That I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that with some hard work and dedication and discipline I can reach my weight loss goals. You'll tell me that this season of Motherhood is fleeting. And you'll encourage me to enjoy it in a way that would make me excited for the challenge instead of guilty for feeling stressed.
You'll encourage me to keep at it. To not get discouraged when I fail but to keep pursuing Christ. Although I may feel like I don't know what my "calling" is right now you'll reassure me that I am doing a great work by raising sons that will grow up in a family that serves a living and loving God. That even though they'll see their Mama makes mistakes, they'll also see her living out her faith daily.
You'll pray for me in the moment and when you leave I'll feel confident that you'll keep praying for me. In fact, I feel confident that I'll see you again because we had a great time. It was encouraging and uplifting and somehow restful amidst the barking and belly-laughing going on in the next room.
And after you leave I'll pull those two little boys into my arms and thank Jesus for their sweet littles lives and hearts. And I thank Him for the blessing of you!
Linking up with Alissa @ Rags to Stitches